Update

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Matt surprised me Labor Day weekend with a trip to Vegas, and we had the greatest time. We stayed off strip but at at 4-star resort, so we spent our days by the pool and in the hot tub, and then spent some time at the casino bar, drinking our $2 happy hour cocktails and losing money to video Blackjack. We also spent a lot of time on the strip, just walking around and enjoying being with each other. I had a lot of work to do, but because I’m totally blessed with the nature of my job, I was able to bring my laptop and get my work done during the car ride to Vegas.

Then, the following weekend, we spent Saturday in Florida, and Sunday-Friday in Jamaica. What an amazing trip! I feel like a loser when people ask us what we did, because we did NOTHING. We’re usually the “adventure” types – snorkeling, horseback riding, mountain climbing, hiking, waterfall swimming…we usually do this kind of stuff on our vacations. In Jamaica, we laid on the beach where we did crossword puzzles and I read, we ate and drank, swam in the ocean, sat in the hot tub and slept. It was incredible. We spent one day at a private island owned by the resort and were two of only about twenty people on the entire island. Part of the day, we were the only two people on the entire beach. All in all, Jamaica was a really nice vacation.

This Sunday is finally my turn to be read in my fiction writer’s group. I had to turn in my excerpt on Monday, and it was nerve wracking to press “send.” I’ll be even more nervous on Sunday, but it’s good for me to get back into the write/critique/edit cycle.

Other than all that, I’ve been cooking a lot, trying some different things. I’ve finally found a grilled fish taco recipe I like and is super healthy. Right now, I have some pumpkin flax muffins baking, and am eager to try those. I’m having fun experimenting with different healthy recipes, and have had mostly wins, and a few failures.

Fall tv has started, so I’ve been logging a lot of miles on the stationary bike while I watch my stories.

And now, for something completely different

I feel like all I ever post about is boxing and weightloss…and for the most part, that’s all I do anymore. Weightloss has turned into my main hobby – and that’s epically sad and boring all at the same time.

Work is going well, I keep busy and I enjoy it. I’ve been playing with the idea of trying to do fiction again, which more or less always ends in a half written novel that I end up hating. I can’t even begin to count the number of half written stories I have, but that’s my writing process. I’m not good at creating the climax of the book. I’ve even had writing instructors and coaches tell me that. I’m good at creating a backstory and fleshing out my characters, but when it’s time for something serious to happen to them, well, then I have brain freeze. There are a few local writer’s groups that would force me to actually stick with it and finish, so I’m thinking about possibly joining one of those.

Lately, I’m obsessed with the song “If I Die Young” by The Band Perry. I’m also inordinately excited for fall tv to start up. Besides finally getting to see new episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Parenthood, there are actually a few new shows that look interesting.

Thursday

I’ve worked out HARD and am at 720 minutes for the week. I’ve written down every bite of food that’s gone into my mouth, and now  am realizing, looking back, that I’m falling into that “not eating enough” pattern again.

Working out two hours a day, completely slammed with work, and then 1200 +/- calories has only rewarded me with the scale staying exactly in the same place. EXACTLY THE SAME. I had a breakdown this morning and burst into tears and cried at Matt, just blubbering about how I work work work and am totally obsessive about what I’m eating, and then I don’t lose weight since Sunday. His solution is always, always, take the scale away. I don’t want to do that, because I feel like I need the scale there to see patterns and know what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong. So then I cried and cried some more.

Then…I dragged my large ass to the gym where I ran 45 minutes straight – a new record for me. Go figure.

I AM NOT GIVING UP. I’m going to keep running and boxing and writing down everything I eat. I need to get my calories higher again, I know this.

I’m going to try harder to see the victories, rather than the failures.

Deep breath, aaaaaaaaand, GO!

Summer summer

It’s been miserably hot here, but thank God for A/C and swimming pools. We definitely spend most weekends laying in the pool after working out and chore type stuff is done for the day.

I’m up to boxing three times a week and running three or four times a week with other things sprinkled in there like the 30 Day Shred dvd, the stationary bike, or zumba. I’m literally working my ass off and just praying it’ll start to show. Eating habits are completely under control as well so if the weight doesn’t start dropping off, I don’t know what else to do.

I’m going to be attempting racquetball tomorrow with a friend…I think it will be something more like a disaster, but it should be fun and hopefully a good workout. Either way, we’ll be playing racquetball for awhile – our pole dancing instructor is out on “emergency medical leave” which I think is code for “fell off the pole.”

Other than that, just working working, working and obsessively watching Grey’s Anatomy, Parenthood, and Combat Hospital when I’m not working or working out.

Self Deprecation Ahead

I just saw some pictures from the wedding I was in last weekend. One of them in particular shocked and disappointed me – why do I still look like that? I work out hard, I try to eat right, and yet? I’m rewarded with looking completely disgusting. I can’t believe I still look like this, but this is an honest, straight-on picture. This is what I really look like, and I’m disgusted. I guess the correct way to think about this is to use it as motivation so I can lose even more weight and never have to see a picture of myself like this again.

 

 

I don’t know if I’ll make it, but watch how good I’ll fake it

So, work and life got insanely busy, and now, here I am, more than a month later with no posts to show for it.

I’ve taken up boxing recently and found that I actually really enjoy it. It’s a fantastic workout, and really, nothing feels better than knocking the crap out of the bag.

I think I’ve finally figured out the magic food/exercise combination that will cause weight-loss. It’s only taken 3 months of no losses or little losses here and there, but whatever. I’m working my ass off in the boxing gym or my regular gym six days a week and instead of starving myself, I’m actually eating nearly 1600 calories a day. Who knew.

Another class I’ve begun taking is Brazilian Butt Blast at the Pole Dancing School in Scottsdale. I can’t even begin to explain how much fun this class is. And how difficult! It’s a good mix of cardio and exercises targeted specifically at the butt. When I can get through that entire class without feeling like I’m going to die, I want to try another class from there – they have everything from The Stripper Workout to Stripper Pilates and actual pole dancing classes.

This weekend, I’m in a friend’s wedding in Colorado, so that will be a busy weekend, and then the next weekend, we’ll be in Washington for the 4th of July. Also on the horizon are a week long trip to Florida in September and a Florida trip/cruise over Thanksgiving weekend and that subsequent week. I’m very much looking forward to those trips and hope to be skinny enough to feel comfortable in a bikini by our November trip. I figure I have about five months….so it’s a good goal to keep in front of me.

My shameful summer vices include too much diet rootbeer, too many Otter Pops and the song Tonight, Tonight on repeat.

it makes me feel so fine, i can’t control my brain

Tomorrow is an important day in Rachelville…there is a big meeting that will have big ramifications on the job front. Hooray! Progress!

Project bridesmaid continues as planned – still not under 200 pounds. Ack. I’m hovering and am super close at 203ish, but I just want to break through already.

Other thoughts I’ve had lately:

– I really like gummy bear vitamins. They may give me diabetes, but I will definitely not contract scurvy.

– I want to make healthy tortilla-like soup and pork roast, but I lack the motivation to actually go purchase ingredients to do so.

– I really do enjoy being a writer, mainly because I’m able to a) have Gilmore Girls, Grey’s Anatomy or The Office constantly running in the background, b) when tired of tv in the background, I can blast the music mixes that only I enjoy (a mix of zumba tunes, Britney Spears, classical piano, Weezer and Bon Jovi. Everyone makes fun of me for this. Why? Dunno.) and c) I don’t ever wear anything except black tank tops/sweat pants/gym shorts and often no pants at all. The whole no pants things is my favorite part. Hooray!

– One of the most depressing things ever is trying to find a fiction agent. It seems like the only way to break into the market is to already be in the market. Which is probably not true, but it most certainly feels like it.

what you got, boy, is hard to find

Why didn’t any of the commentators for the royal wedding say anything about William’s baldness!? Kate was stunning though, and that dress! I loved it. I am, however, somewhat shamed to admit that I watched the royal wedding…just like I’m shamed by my love for the Bachelor and Britney Spears. But, the royal wedding did somewhat fill the hole in my life left by Brad Womack…so there’s that.

I’m still running, running, running and, so far this week, lost weight. Success! I was following the Couch To 5k Program, but am now modifying it for myself. This is the end of week five, and the schedule dictates that I’m supposed to complete a twenty minute run. Since I had extreme difficulty earlier this week trying to complete my second of two 8 minute runs, I don’t think the twenty minute-er is going to happen. So the plan for today is trying to complete those two eight minute runs again. It feels a little bit like defeat, but I’m trying to not let it get to me.

Also on the list for today – finding a healthy recipe that I can throw together this afternoon and then stick in the oven when Matt and I are ready to eat. We get into this pattern on Fridays where we get in the pool immediately when he gets home, and then by 10pm, we’re so hungry that even the idea of making a sandwich sounds like work….so we fast food it up. Since I’ve seen a good loss this week, the last thing I want to do is gain weight from Taco Bell.

Foundation of society, anxiety. Suppress it if you can.

Things on the employment front are not going as planned. There are so many vague and stupid details to be figured out before I can actually start WORKING. There is a deadline today that will hopefully be met…if it’s actually met, that means that I can officially start new projects. If not, that means I continue to go to the gym and garden and coupon and avoid cleaning my guest rooms.

The worst part of the waiting game is the anxiety and the subsequent urge to eat everything in sight. That, and I’m covered in hives. Another fun side effect of anxiety! Deep breath, and….

Now it’s time for gratuitous garden and obese feline pictures!

Baby bell pepper!!!!

And the place where we will eventually have many zuchinnis:

She’s been sleeping like this more and more. I think because when she lays on her stomach, it squishes her belly…

how does your garden grow?

I actually had a pretty good week! Worked out every day except yesterday, and am positive I have lost weight. Or, at least I sincerely hope so, because, if I haven’t, I’ll be flinging myself off the nearest building.

Last weekend, I made boozey cupcakes. Whoa dude. They were GOOD. I ate one and gave away the rest. The cake had Guiness in it, the ganache filling was chocolate-Jamison, and the frosting was Bailey’s buttercream. Amazing. I estimated 500 calories. I was hungry on Saturday, but it was worth it working that cupcake into my daily calories.

I start a writing project on Monday, so I’m going to have to learn how to fit my new exercise regimen around my work. I’m glad I’ve had this time to be able to workout like I have, but now it’s time to learn how to adapt. I can be flexible – as long as everything is going exactly the way I want it to, haha.

My garden is growing really well! I have baby tomatoes and baby bell peppers and I can’t wait till they’re big enough to eat!

We’ll be spending part of our weekend in the pool, I’m sure, so I’m off to cut up veggies to snack on while we’re out there!